The Wednesday Poll Dance

Posted by Jus Accardo on April 21, 2010 · 3 Comments 

Yes.  I know.  I missed two weeks.  I apologize and grant you permission to beat me with a wet noodle.

For today’s poll, we’re going to do something a little different.  We all get irritated at others – be it the mailman, children, or even the dog.  Most of us possess enough restraint to keep the colorful replies to ourselves.  But how good would it feel to let it all out?  So let’s have em.  If you could reply to one person that’s done something to annoy you, if you could say anything without fear of consequence, what would it be?  It doesn’t need to be a letter, hell it doesn’t even need to be a whole sentence.  Tell us who, tell us what they did, and tell us what you’d say!

Dear Drunk neighbor,

Your cries last night caught my attention.  While I admire your dedication to lawn care, and congratulate you on taking pride in the appearance of your home, I feel obligated to offer a helpful tip.  Yard work – especially when done with a riding mower – should be restricted to the daytime hours.  I know this may seem like a radical concept, but trust me on this one, it’s easier to see pesky obstacles when the sun is up.  You see, when you drove your tractor into the ditch in front of your house (and across from mine) then proceeded to scream about it for twenty minutes, you woke up my dogs.  My dogs, being the ever vigilant guardians that they are, in turn woke us up.

I understand your frustration.  I cannot imagine how I’d feel if it were me standing in the road at 3 a.m wearing only a neon green thong and clutching an empty bottle of Jack while trying to get my lawn mower out of a ditch.  I feel your pain.  Really, I do.  When my husband came outside to help you pull the tractor from the ditch, and you told him you were out there doing the lawn because your wife refused to have sex with you, it really broke my heart.  But I have to tell you, just so there’s no misunderstandings, when you asked my husband if he’d sleep with you, that kinda crossed the line.  Believe me when i tell you, you’re not his type.

Sincerely,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Your very tired neighbor

P.S.  The problem you had with your wife last night could have been a result of the neon green thong.  Trust me, it wasn’t a turn on.  I’d suggest boxers from now on.

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